Spring Forward to Soggy Second Week at The Championships

July 3, 2007 at 2:58 pm Leave a comment

So sorry to have missed the opportunity to predict the opening rounds of Wimbledon.  I assure you, my picks were far better than the French.  But I’m American.  And Americans always seem to do well on the grass courts.  Just look at Venus Williams.  She’s been sloppy most of the year and even though she’s only less sloppy now, she’s found her way into a chance to smack down Skankipova while she can still do some cumulative point damage to her ranking.  Because of the current point spread, it’s quite possible that Justin (no longer Justine since that’s a girl’s name), should she lose in the quarters, would leave Maria Sharapova to waltz into first place.  Skanky, isn’t it?  I mean, “scary,” of course.

To borrow from the great Stephen Colbert, a “Wag of the Finger” to sugar-flavored bubble gum tennis reporter Drew Lilley, who wrote this ridiculour piece of journalistic syrup that starts with the oh-so-incorrect statement:

  • Some players court controversy, while others prefer to “take every day as it comes, one game at a time”. Justine Henin belongs to the latter brigade.

Doesn’t court controversy?  She courts it in the final rounds of any Grand Slam that will let her get away with it:

  • The Austrailian Open 2006 where she had a tummy ache in the finals and quit yet still managed to insult Amelie Mauresmo;
  • The infamous French Open semifinal where she displayed the sportsmanship of a World Wrestling Federation villain and, though not by rules but certainly by common standards, cheated.

But that’s not the most egregious.  I believe the worst of his … her recent behavior was Doha where s/he was featured in a lot of advertising with another top 10 player  (since this other player is the rarest of all to get endorsements – I’ll leave her out of it).  S/he obviously got lots of money to appear and this was even hinted in a few WTA tour website stories.  At the same time, s/he’s stumping for the sweeping changes the WTA is trying to install as the Patriot Act version of tennis rules, Roadmap 2010, which include tightening down on the “illegal” appearance deals outside the Association as part of the new regulations. 

But Justin (no longer Justine since that’s a girl’s name) saves his energy for the courts, in case you didn’t notice the end of Mr. Lilley’s article which was perhaps soiled due to the excrement on his nose.  So here’s hoping Justin (no longer Justine since that’s a girl’s name) will only bring himself onto the court in the quarterfinals.

Many have thought I am hinting that Justin (no longer Justine since that’s a girl’s name) is taking steroids because she’s pummeling every player and conceding very few games as her chest rapidly disappears – well, it’s actually gone now.  Just for the record: Oh no I di-unt.

Enough of his drama.  Let’s get right to the acting nominations.  Having won no on-court award this year and receiving no nomination for her performance off court as the sweetheart of tennis with a very hurt shoulder who just needs her daddy, Maria Sharapova, as Jakob the Liar.  Hurt shoulder?  She’s returning 100+ mile per hour serves and slugging aces on her opponents when she forgets she’s supposed to be acting a little bit pained.  Hurt shoulder?  My left butt cheek!

Receiving the acting award and skipping all nominations is Serena Williams for her portrayal of the crowd favorite dropping to her knees in pain, threatening her chance to even get through the match prior to encountering the reigning champion who happens to be a real Justin (no longer Justine since that’s a girl’s name). 

But.  And it’s a big “but” for Serena.  Oh no, I di-unt.  But, when the camera pans to the family, Daddy pulls off a supporting role, Momma almost does, and then child star Venus gives it away.  She was never quite up for this when Serena first brought it up as a way to psyche out he-who-shall-not-be-named-she in the next round.  Now, I’m sure I’m stretching a bit there.  I’m just saying that’s the way it looked on film.  Either way, though:  whether it was an act or whether she truly played through the pain, applause for both.  Great television.

As for the poor guys, how could anyone pay attention to them with all the girls in white, plus Justin …, are causing such stirs?  Only Rafael Nadal could get interesting press and that was for his opponent, Swede Robin Soderling.  Soderling mimicked Rafa’s trademark tugging of the shorts while Rafa prepped for serve and let Robin know with his eyes just how much he didn’t like it.  Only the Clay King may touch himself in public, apparently.

More excitement continues as Amelie Mauresmo just got nudged out by Nicole Vaidisova in a three-setter.  Jelena Jankovic is battling out a third set with Marion Bartoli who just won’t give up.  And Ana Ivanovic and Nadia Petrova are playing see-saw to decide who wins as are Lleyton Hewitt and Guillermo Cañas.


Entry filed under: Grass Season, Tennis, Wimbledon.

Tennis Players Start Smoking on Grass Maria Sharapova returns and gets another free ride

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

July 2007
« Jun   May »

%d bloggers like this: